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Never betray your dreams, they are yours!

Aygun Badalova recently graduated with an MSc in Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuropsychology. This is her #BBKStory of growing up in a low-income family in Azerbaijan, and how she taught herself fluent English to fulfil her life-long dream of studying in England.

Aygun Badalova

My desire to study abroad in England started when I was studying at school in Azerbaijan in a small, tiny town called Lerik. It is located in a mountainous region where there are only three secondary schools, and there were families around us whose children could not go to school at all. At that time, many girls in our district only went to school until aged 15 or 16, because of financial issues and social and cultural problems – most parents are still reluctant even now to let their girls leave for university. However, despite all the challenges, my mind was different and I always believed that I didn’t belong there. I had only one goal and mission: to study hard and leave my hometown for a better future.

Coming from a low-income family struggling with financial issues and hardships, my dream to leave felt impossible. There were days we couldn’t even have dinner. We used to wear our relatives’ clothes and when my father could buy something that was celebration for us. Because my father was our only breadwinner, he used to work all day and night just to cover our basic needs. My mother was brilliant housewife, despite our poor lifestyle she always taught us how to be brave and encouraged us to keep our heads high no matter what happened. Because I had four younger siblings, I knew I had to be their role model and I was like another parent to them. I am truly happy that I had a great family and a strong belief in a better future!

When I used to say “one day I will study in England”, everybody around me smiled at my naive desire. But there was a feeling deep-down in my heart which made me work very hard. My passion for England and the language made me study English – no one could believe that I became fluent by myself. I still remember the hard days: on the cold winter nights, with the dim light of a lamp, I used to open my books and believe. Believe in my dreams…

After finishing high school I left Lerik to study at a university in Baku, the capital city of Azerbaijan. At university, my love for the English language presented many fantastic opportunities for me. I worked as a translator for many important events and internatonal companies. Later, I taught English to professionals and I even wrote an English book for self-learners when I was working at the Azerbaijan National Academy of Sciences (ANAS) as a research assistant and interpreter.

Years passed, and many things changed, but my desire was always the same. Two years ago and after hundreds of struggles, I finally arrived in the UK to pursue my dream. It was a period of my life when I was working back at home and my family did not want me to go away. They thought I didn’t need to go, and they also were not comfortable that I’d be alone and far away from them. It took a while to make them agree to my decision.

Studying for a Master’s degree in the UK and getting my degree was not easy. My field of study required strong mental and physical strength and there were financial needs which I needed to fulfil by working. Learning about how the brain functions and how it changes in different mental disorders was really breathtaking and interesting. I also worked in healthcare settings and got a chance to see patients who suffered brain disorders. Moreover, I made many great friends who always supported me.

During my studies I met a lot of experts, amazing people and the great environment at Birkbeck has made me who I am today. Our professors’ approach to us was really impressive – they explained everything and were always willing to answer questions. My supervisor Dr Eddy Davelaar was one of these people who always supported me. I have been influenced by such great people and have become a better listener, as well as kinder and less judging.

After lots of research, unfamiliar topics, sleepless nights, weekend library days and assignments I have finally graduated! I would like to thank Professor Nazanin Derakhshan who constantly motivated us to achieve. One of her favourite quotes was: “Don’t look at where you are, look at where are you came from. Then you will see how far you have come.”

My aim for the future is to be a well-known neuroscientist and neuropsychologist and contribute to the treatment of Alzheimer’s and anxiety disorders in future. I am living in London now, doing my research and working in healthcare settings. I am also a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Counseller, working with people with different mental problems and I love my job. I’m also pleased to say that all my siblings went on to achieve degrees from prestigious universities.

I’d encourage others to never give up on their dreams! Don’t let anyone or anything make you to feel that you are not enough. Believe me, if I can pass thousands of miles and come for my dreams, you also can. I am just at the beginning of my amazing life.

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Overcoming alcohol and drug addiction to achieve a Master’s degree

Azad Ashim Sharma graduated in April with an MA in Creative and Critical Writing. Here he tells his remarkable story of life growing up, his battles with alcohol and substance misuse, starting a publishing company, and his aspirations for the future.

Azad Ashim Sharma celebrating on his graduation day

My childhood was strange in a way. I’ve come to look at it not through rose-tinted glasses or nostalgia, but through a sense of compassionate inquiry. Being raised in an intergenerational home deep in South London, I was co-parented by grandparents, who were political exiles from apartheid South Africa. My grandmother was a political activist and our family in South Africa are quite close to the anti-apartheid liberation movement.

Our family home was always busy: my younger brother is autistic, so we had a large care team. During my school years, I attended two local independent schools, and my brother, who is severely autistic, was home-schooled. I was bullied at school, which was really quite traumatic for me at the time. I sought solace in music and art from a young age and my most special childhood memories are of attending exhibitions with my mother.

My family’s love of reading certainly made its mark on me, as I went on to study BA English at the University of Sussex. After finishing my course, I knew I wanted to pursue a Master’s degree in Critical Theory at Sussex. Whilst I was on track for a distinction in 2015, my mental health deteriorated. I had returned to London to look after my brother who was unwell and under-supported due to austerity. I came home to support my mother with his care and all three of us were also trying to cope with the grief of losing our grandmother a couple of years before that. What started off as something I did socially spiralled out of control into alcoholism and drug addiction. I had to drop out of my Master’s degree to contend with that dark patch in my life.

I’d always been writing poetry at Sussex and this continued during this difficult patch. I published my first poetry collection in 2018, exploring islamophobia and racism in the time of Brexit Britain. In 2018, I received a surprising invitation to read at a poetry festival in India. Reading outside in Delhi, surrounded by flora and fauna in the pleasant hazy sunshine, I had something ignite in me that made me think, wow I want to do this for the rest of my life.

When I got back to the UK, I applied to Birkbeck because I knew several alumni who recommended studying there. I managed to get sober by the time I submitted my application. For a period of nine months, I was totally integrated back into normal life. Approaching a year at Birkbeck and filled with so much energy, I founded a publishing company with two friends called The 87 Press, named after the number of my family home. Our company mission was to change the landscape of publishing, by advocating for fairer trade and more smaller presses in bookstores, but also a more clearly defined representation of under-represented writers. We started off very clueless as to what owning a company would entail, but thrived off the energy of hosting events, publishing books and visiting universities to hold creative writing workshops with students, offering them the chance to get their work published.

Everything was going really well for me, but I was growing wearisome of being ‘that guy’ that always has the lime soda. So, I started walking out the door of sobriety again. I suffer from depression and anxiety too, and everything was taking its toll. During this time, I also met the love of my life who’s stuck by me through all of this recent drama. Both her and my family have been steadfast and invaluable supports.

At the beginning of 2020, I felt really disorientated with everything going on. I needed some counselling, so I signed up to Birkbeck’s counselling service. My counsellor was wonderful and compassionate, and really listened to me. I’ve now been clean for over a year – it’s not been easy, but I’m pleased that now sobriety is my normality.

My ultimate career goal is to become a lecturer, so this autumn I’m pursuing a PhD in English and Humanities at Birkbeck. I got the news that I had been awarded funding for my PhD on the day I was a year clean, which is serendipity to the max.

I plan to continue with The 87 Press during my PhD. We’ve just published our 15th book and it’s such a joy – it continues to surprise me what our initiative can do and the people it can reach. After my PhD it would be a dream to become a lecturer at Birkbeck and have the opportunity to give back. Birkbeck really is a place that gives people second chances in life.

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